Long story short, I've recently re-connected with my father. We have had a broken relationship since I was about 14 years old and he moved out following a separation from my mother. The Big Lockdown of 2020 (as I will announce it to my grandchildren some day) was actually the first time since then that I didn't have an excuse as to why I was avoiding his phone calls each day and week. This meaning, I was forced to tell him what was bothering me, hear his concerns and points, and connect on the fact that we both wanted to change to have some sort of working relationship as family. Since then we have been on the route of reaching the unheard recovery of "daddy issues" many of us ladies and gents go through at some point.
One of the major ways I could tell I was healing within this relationship was that I began to remember a lot of memories, experiences, and lessons I had alongside my father growing up. Over time, I stopped focusing on the negative, hurtful, and neglectful perceptions I was holding onto for so long. It turns out under that ugly and bitter layer of hurt there was a whole childhood with my father that contributed to the resilient, grateful, and strong woman I am. Did you know that our parents can shape us in good ways too? huh.
I am my father's daughter, and because of that, I believe that I can have everything I want out of life, if I dare to work for it. Let's learn a little about my dad's life to truly understand how he raised such a glowing Jo.
My father was born with a genetic disease that slowly deteriorated his vision as he aged. He was born with sight and by the time he was 21 years old he was completely blind. To name a couple challenges this produced, he could no longer continue his journey in becoming a chef, he had to learn a whole new way of living, and if he ever wanted a child who could grow up with vision, it couldn't be genetically his. To this day however, I would never tell you my dad has a "disability", because to me, he never did. It wasn't until I was an adult telling people about my family that I realized people thought this was difficult to be raised in, and hindered our quality of life.
My life probably looked and felt very different than others growing up because of it, a lot of skills I have at 24 start from being a stand in seeing eye dog at age 9. To go out on Halloween, I guided my dad from house to house while he waited where I left him at the end of the walkway. Except for that time I myself stopped paying attention where we were going and walked him into a street light (I never said I was a good seeing eye dog). I always bussed around with my dad to run all of our errands so that I could read the prices out loud for him, put my finger on the line he had to sign on papers, or put his pin into the bank machine.
When we cooked dinner I was always a call or shout away so I could read the spice bottles and pass him which ones he needed to make Chinese fried rice from scratch. I'd be lying if I didn't say it came in handy now and then when I had to do my reading homework and could make up a story based on the pictures, or tell him that a note from my teacher said all nice things before he signed my agenda.
Part of my routine was helping my dad out with this stuff, and while I can't really put a word to what I gained from it, I can feel that it lives in me as resilience, grit, and balance. I wouldn't say my childhood was on hold to help my dad instead of myself, but what I can say is that I learned a whole functioning life has playing with your friends AND making time to read the spice bottles so dinner can get made. My dad and I worked together to make it through regular existence that some children take for granted I think. While other kids were playing their video games on their way to soccer practice I was reading the bus times, telling my dad when the walky man was letting us cross the street, how much bananas cost, and telling him when I saw home so we could ring the bell on the bus so we could read the spice bottles together to make dinner.
That's the very baseline of what that man taught me. The fact that my dad had NO vision and in no way did that stop him from doing everything he wanted really showed me that nothing can get in your way if you let it. My dad was fully blind by 21, and here are some of the things he has done in his and my lifetime:
Have two beautiful children via donor
Make up a new bedtime story each night for me because I liked stories before bed
Cooking dinner for his family every night
Travelled through Europe
Graduated with a diploma in computer engineering
Grocery shopping every week
Make a living on fixing and building computers in our basement
Sit in the crowd of my grade 6 talent show
Make breakfast, pack lunches, and put us on the bus to school
Literally count the amount of stops between each of his destinations on the bus to get around easier
Took me to community programs when my mental health needed it
Told me I would always be beautiful without makeup, because my soul was beautiful
Piggy back me through bus stations when I got motion sickness
Get a restaurant job
Help raise my nephew
Bus me to 6 different doctors to get the right help when I had pneumonia
To my dad, there was never anything that he couldn't do. Sometimes he needed help, sometimes he needed a new way of doing something, and sometimes he needed to put more work in than the average person, but he could do it.
As I grew up, I didn't even realize I was carrying this mindset with me from him. I have always gone through life without a fear in the world of what could stop me, because in my mind there was nothing that could. I wasn't raised to let challenges stop me from thriving. I was raised to put the work in to have everything I wanted.
That man could have had a very different attitude living through the challenges he did. He could have had a disability that prevented him from reaching his potential. But if he did, I never knew it.
I sorta feel bad for everyone who's parent could see, they're really missing out.
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